Operation Skeleton
by Ingrid Fallen
Summary: My first attempt at humour so please be a kind hippo griff. Valkyrie has to find out Skulduggery's most darkest secret in order to blackmail him.
1. Chapter 1

Valkyrie grinned at the small team she'd assembled. They weren't much, but they were sure to do the trick.

"Do we all know what we're doing?"

The team nodded.

Valkyrie decided to explain anyway. She always felt important when she explained a plan. "

The code name is Operation Skeleton. Fletcher."

Fletcher grinned at her.

"You will teleport next to Skulduggery, grab his hat, then teleport back to me. While Skulduggery is searching for you, Tanith."

"Yessir, whatever you say sir."

"Shut it. Tanith, you will interrupt his searching by bumping into him and starting an incredibly long, boring, pointless conversation with him. Don't worry, he's good at those."

Tanith nodded.

"And then Fletcher, you will teleport me and the hat right beside him."

Fletcher grinned. "Yessir."

"Shaddup. And then I will explain the plan." Everyone cheered. "And then Operation Skeleton will begin! Makeover time, Skully!" Valkyrie gave an evil laugh. This had actually been Darquesse's idea, but she just loved it too much to not complete it. "Here's to Operation Skeleton!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Valkyrie?" Skulduggery yelled through the hallway. "Are you in here, Val? Valkyrie?" He was pretty sure she was just hiding from him. Then he heard something he couldn't refuse It was Lady GaGa music. Blaring from someone's stereo. Skulduggery, like many people, had a guilty pleasure he kept so secret even he sometimes forgot about it. Whenever he heard Lady GaGa music, he just had to dance. It was a reflex, he couldn't help it. He would usually make a hasty retreat, lock himself into the nearest portaloo, and do a quick Irish jig just to satisfy himself. He looked around, doing a quick Walk Like A Egyptian, and saw an unnoticed speaker sitting right in front of him. With a hasty look around for security cameras, he began to dance, very badly.

Unbeknownst to him, Valkyrie hid inside the speaker, filming his dancing on her high quality video camera.


	3. Chapter 3

Valkyrie's eyes gleamed with evil intent as she stared at the items in her hands. In her left, one high quality video camera with a certain video ready for immediate email to all sanctuaries. In the other, a black hat, snatched from Skulduggery's head by a cackling Fletcher. She was ready. The plan was about to succeed. Armed with her backup squad, Valkyrie speed walked straight to the hallway of the Liberty Museum, the place she had agreed to meet Skulduggery at. She hid in an alcove and watched him silently trot off to the Egyptian section. Rather appropriate, she thought, for the dancing she had filmed him doing.

Valkyrie climbed upwards, to the secret passage she'd had specially built for her sweet sixteenth. It had been an extravagant present, sure, but it was coming in useful now

. "Well well well. If it isn't Skully-Pully Pleasant,looking not quite as pleasant without his precious HAT! Don't you wish you knew who took it?"

"Well seeing as I only know one person in the whole wide world, let alone a teleporter, with that HAIR, not too much trouble with that."

Valkyrie frowned. She wanted to be the smarter one. She WAS the smarter one. He'd soon see that she'd thought of everything.

"Cain."

"Pleasant."

"I don't want this to turn nasty for you. Just hand it over now, and I'll call it off."

Valkyrie felt a smirk appear on her face. What the hell was he talking about? She had the advantage and she knew it

. "And if I don't?"

"This could turn nasty for you. Very bad. You don't want that to happen. No, you don't." "

We'll see. Have you seen the other surprise I have for you? It's quite the show stopper. I was thinking of emailing it to every sanctuary in the world. Plus anyone who's ever heard of you."

"What are you talking about?"

He seemed calm, but Valkyrie knew that within his calm exterior, he was shaking.

"Just Dance. Lady GaGa. Your bad dancing that was probably considered fashionable in the 80s. Ringing any bells?"

"You wouldn't."

"Oh but I would. Agree to everything I say, Skully, or both your hat and your reputation will go up in flames. You'll never be able to go outside without humiliation. Your life, death, whatever. It will be ruined. Ruined,"

Skulduggery shook in his custom made boots. "What do you want?"

"What do I want? Good question. I want to give you a makeover. Right now."


	4. Chapter 4

I'm fine, Skulduggery told himself. I'm absolutely brilliant.

Skulduggery was lying.

He'd been through it all, he'd thought. He'd come out on top, he'd thought. He was absolutely completely untouchable. Titanium. Everything.

That was before Valkyrie Cain and her evil makeover team had arrived. Now he was at risk again. And he was hating every minute.

"It's OK, sweetie." Valkyrie whispered into his ear. "We're just going to add a bit of plastic surgery onto the façade, and we have to do it while the façade's on you. Don't worry, we'll give you a sedative. If you're lucky, you'll only wake up at the least painful part!"

He didn't like the sound of that.

"OK." A blackmailed, betrayed, hatless Skulduggery Pleasant agreed. He didn't really have much choice. He shut his eyes.

Valkyrie's silver knife cut through the façade's skin. She shaped the cheekbones like putty. Skulduggery was sure to love this. Now, who to make him look like? Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner? Hmmm, decisions. Maybe she should just go with Justin Bieber. Yeah, Bieber was the way to go.

Valkyrie swapped the eyeballs, added a bit of hair, and checked out the new Skulduggery. Just like Justin. Hooray for her. Now, skull tattoos. Pink flowers, she was thinking.

"Can I do anything?" Fletcher asked.

"Sure. Just tattoo some pink flowers onto his skull, while I do the ribcage." Together, the pair worked hard to completely change Skulduggery. No matter how he was feeling, Skully sure wouldn't be happy about this.


	5. Chapter 5

Skulduggery was sitting in his Hat Room, the one place he'd ever left his hat alone in. It had some great memories, brushing the hat off with the custom made hat brush, caring for it when it was going through a bad patch. Not anymore. Now the poor thing was alone with the evil Valkyrie and her despicable accomplices. It made him nearly cry just thinking about it. Except he didn't have eyes. Or a heart, come to think of it. It was time for the Requiem Ball. He was attending with Clarabelle, the only person willing to go to the ball with someone who would have to completely cover themselves up. Although she hadn't been too happy about not going with her pet twig, who had supposedly dumped her.

Skulduggery checked his reflection in the full length mirror. He was good. Thick makeup covered the facade, and he was using a wig and some putty to reshape his face. Contact lenses popped in, he was ready to go.

Clarabelle was wearing a rather unfortunate orange and pink dress, which she wore with a pair of fluorescent green boots. She swung a bright blue handbag from her arms. Skulduggery committed mental suicide. Twice.


	6. Chapter 6

Valkyrie grinned at Skulduggery's pink-covered skull. She was incredibly happy with her work. Just as she was about to say something, someone interrupted her.

LeggoBelle was Clarabelle's cousin. As simple minded as Clarabelle, she laughed at anything pink. And Skulduggery was pink so...

"As I was going to say," Valkyrie said, after the problem had been dealt with. "I've got another surprise for you.

"I don't like where this is going..." Skulduggery whimpered.

Valkyrie picked up her iPad. She tapped the YouTube app, and typed in "Skulduggery Pleasant."

Skulduggery could only watch in horror as the whole clip of his Lady GaGa incident showed out. And there were 330,000,00000 views and counting. And to his absolute despair, there were comments. And he recognised the people who commented.

Erskine334: OMG, lol SPleasant love ya really big man xxx.

GhastlyBespokeOfficial: Lovin the dancin lol. CHECK out ma cover of Justin Bieber Baby on my channel GhastlyOfficial.

ValkyrieC: Making him watch it soon lol.

BRSanguine: LMAO

TanithRemnant: Love you, BRS. Dancing sucks, SP.

Skulduggery ran out the room, tears streaming from his sockets. Invisible tears, at least. But Valkyrie knew that if he could, he'd cry. LOL.

_So guys what do u think? Is it too mean? I'm Lolling right now LMAO. Yeah, LeggoBelle is my friend Leggo Lover 99. If any of you want to be in the story just say on a review and I'll put you in somewhere. Be warned, you'll probably be Clarabelle's relative though... Bye. :)_


	7. Chapter 7

Skulduggery winced as LucindaBelle, Clarabelle's sister, stitched up his new facade wound. He was fuming.

He had punished himself for crying at Valkyrie, but that was not the reason he had got hurt. He had been trampled at Lady GaGa concert.

The shame. The horrible shame. And, the little bugger, Valkyrie, she had made it worse! The stupid girl had filmed him explaining, (humiliated) how he had achieved the level of facial scarring he had sustained.

LucindaBelle finished up, and added a pink plaster in the shape of a unicorn.

Right. He would take control.

Skulduggery picked up his phone, and dialled Nye.

"It."

"you."

"I need some information."

hey guys. LucindaBelle is LucindaCainHail 2nd to be featured. :)


	8. Chapter 8

CarolinaBelle gently brushed the glue over Skulduggery's skull. He had decided to go with Nye's advice, but was still going anonymous. He ran over last nights conversation in his mind. Was he right? He didn't know. All he knew was that he needed this... Condition sorted out immediately. Right now.

Skulduggery picked up his replacement hat, a fez. It wasn't nearly as distinguished as his usual, but it would have to do. :(

He got into the Bentley, and drove to his destination.

it was a ramshackle old house, pretty ugly, but it was definitely where he needed to go. He sighed, picked up his satchel, (containing his emergency Lady Gaga perfume, action figure and wig) and opened the door.

"My name is Ghastly Bespoke, and I'm addicted to anything One Direction, Jedward and Taylor Lautner. Thank you." Ghastly sat down. It was BR Sanguine's turn.

"Well, my names Billy Ray Sanguine and I'm addicted to Little Mix. Especially the one with purple hair."

Skulduggery gulped. It was his turn.

"My name is, uh, Skulduggery. Pleasant. And, um, I'm addicted to Lady Gaga."

his statement was met with silence.

hey guys, CarolinaBelle is Carolina Blues, who btw has awesome stories like Tanith and the car, 24 hours and the sequel to 24 hours, Dark souls. Check her out!


	9. Chapter 9

Then, out of nowhere, there was a round of applause.

"Well done, Skully!" Valkyries voice came out of nowhere.

And then, out of the shadows, out walked Valkyrie Cain, arm in arm with Clarabelle's other sister SeptemberBelle and holding a video camera and a pile of ashes.

"Here's your hat." SeptemberBelle chimed in. She threw the ashes at Skulduggery. "And we got some more footage."

Skulduggery held his head in his hands. This was his worst day yet.

hey guys septemberbelle is September Silver check her out :) ps I have a more serious new story out called Death Bringer, check that out too. but don't if ya don't want to.


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